Sunday 21 July 2013

Yearning for durability - The console is dead


Its very hot. Extremely hot, and its only going to get hotter from here. I'm not complaining though, this is brilliant weather. Sure I have skin thats always melting and the sheep on my head has to be sheared constantly in order to keep cool but it IS the summer we all wanted. We just were not ready for it. Least of all of us is my PS3, who alas has given me over heating warnings. Being a techno-hypochondriac (is that a word?) I usually diagnose a machines problem with a healthy dose of google and it has told me that these are early symptoms of the yellow light of death or as I like to call it, Playstation cancer. In other words, it will one day soon go to sleep and never wake up.
The funeral has already been taken care of. in my mind my friends and their beloved consoles crowd around an open grave each throwing in a metal flower.

Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

Its only natural for technological products to one day pack up and join that grandfather clock in the sky, the only thing that gets me is how quickly these products seem to be doing this in the modern day. For instance my PS2 has seen no less then two PS3s come and go in its lifetime and yet its still going strong. An old home Dell I have installed in the old box room has survived my rough torture for no less then 10 years whereas my laptop of 4 years is now completely dead. It seems the more amazing something is the more vulnerable it also becomes. Is this a conspiracy? That is a mad thought but when you think about the implications it isn't too farfetched. Then again think how farfetched that Simpsons joke seemed in the movie with the government listening in on thousands of people at one time.

NSA anyone?

Companies obviously have a market not just in selling products but also in replacing them.  Why wouldn't they make products that can make even more money for them even after they have been purchased. Time and time again I have imagined a secret organisation of computer specialists employed by these big companies sitting in their shady offices with a timer on their monitors for every warranty there is. Once its ticked down they press that big red button and our computers start to eat themselves from the inside. Why think of all the sic-fi films you've seen where the scientists have previously installed a secret self destruct sequence on their amazing 'oh nothing will go wrong' work. "Successful products shouldn't be .. too successful." mutters the evil CEO with his contemplative fingers pressed together and a broad slasher smile. He then picks up his non-fairtrade coffee and throws it at a kitten.


In the future, once I get through three PS4s my, now old, PS2 will limp up to me with his cane, shaking his head in disapproval. "They don't make us like they used to, do they?"
Of course I don't really believe any of this. Just bitter that this Summer will be lacking a lot of Skyrim is all.

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