Yearning for durability - The console is dead

Its very hot. Extremely hot, and its only going to get hotter from here. I'm not complaining though, this is brilliant weather. Sure I have skin thats always melting and the sheep on my head has to be sheared constantly in order to keep cool but it IS the summer we all wanted. We just were not ready for it. Least of all of us is my PS3, who alas has given me over heating warnings. Being a techno-hypochondriac (is that a word?) I usually diagnose a machines problem with a healthy dose of google and it has told me that these are early symptoms of the yellow light of death or as I like to call it, Playstation cancer. In other words, it will one day soon go to sleep and never wake up.

The funeral has already been taken care of. in my mind my friends and their beloved consoles crowd around an open grave each throwing in a metal flower.

Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

Its only natural for technological products to one day pack up and join that grandfather clock in the sky, the only thing that gets me is how quickly these products seem to be doing this in the modern day. For instance my PS2 has seen no less then two PS3s come and go in its lifetime and yet its still going strong. An old home Dell I have installed in the old box room has survived my rough torture for no less then 10 years whereas my laptop of 4 years is now completely dead. It seems the more amazing something is the more vulnerable it also becomes. Is this a conspiracy? That is a mad thought but when you think about the implications it isn't too farfetched. Then again think how farfetched that Simpsons joke seemed in the movie with the government listening in on thousands of people at one time.

NSA anyone?

Companies obviously have a market not just in selling products but also in replacing them.  Why wouldn't they make products that can make even more money for them even after they have been purchased. Time and time again I have imagined a secret organisation of computer specialists employed by these big companies sitting in their shady offices with a timer on their monitors for every warranty there is. Once its ticked down they press that big red button and our computers start to eat themselves from the inside. Why think of all the sic-fi films you've seen where the scientists have previously installed a secret self destruct sequence on their amazing 'oh nothing will go wrong' work. "Successful products shouldn't be .. too successful." mutters the evil CEO with his contemplative fingers pressed together and a broad slasher smile. He then picks up his non-fairtrade coffee and throws it at a kitten.

In the future, once I get through three PS4s my, now old, PS2 will limp up to me with his cane, shaking his head in disapproval. "They don't make us like they used to, do they?"

Of course I don't really believe any of this. Just bitter that this Summer will be lacking a lot of Skyrim is all.

Pacific Rim Review By Chris Bridge

If there was a blockbuster this summer that had me in a force choke hold it would definitely be Pacific Rim. Usually I don't allow a film trailer to mesmerise me so much, when you look at how they are put together and how similar they are it actually becomes almost laughable. However Pacific Rim's pounding ambience and dark soggy aesthetic struck some kind of inner chord with me. It also has giant robots in it which is always great.

The trailer has caught my attention in a big way and I can't wait to see the film, which is bad. The best experiences I have had in the cinema are usually because I half expect to see a really mediocre feature and become pleasantly surprised at how wrong I am. It leaves only room for improvement as my expectation is already low. When I go in already expecting an amazing film, thats when I am most likely to be disappointed. We all have our own perceptions of what makes a great film. For instance I actually really liked the infamous third act in Man Of Steel. Without spoiling anything I thought it really brought some very welcomed action to an already brilliant  while slightly flawed origin story. I admit its quite a turn and understand all the criticisms but for me it was an early summer guilty pleasure.

That said I will see you on the other side.

                                                                      

Review - Pacific Rim

A walking skyscraper with rocket propelled punches.

Well I fell for it. The trailer while honest in context gave me a completely different expectation of what this film would throw at me. Don't get me wrong I am very impressed. The film manages to tap into the inner geek within me who appreciates giant robots and destructive special effects. However it still manages to let itself down with a few storytelling cliches and hammy acting.

'Megatron is my toothbrush.'

Straight off the bat this film seems to give you what you expected. Giant monsters and robots duking it out in varied land and ocean battles, and boy do these visuals look gorgeous. While not quite as surreal as most of Guillermo Del Toro's backlog the robotic designs really are a stunning sight to behold, each with their own unique flavour. You really do get a sense of how massive these robotic centurions are. My only gripe with the visuals is not the creature design but for the fact that we cannot see them very well. These monsters or 'Kaiju' have all been clearly modelled differently and yet because of their strategy of 'always attacking at night during a thunderstorm' its hard to appreciate their detailed presence. Still this is a small nit pick as I still got a better appreciation for the monster designs displayed here rather then say the clover field creature, who is very camera shy.

 The fact that there are giant robots that could be fighting

 monsters right now makes this scene very criminal.

The characters are indeed all as rigid as they need to be, in this they serve their purpose. This didn't stop me from seeing them all fall into dangerously familiar story cliches. Raleigh Becket, a young man who was once great is in desperate need to redeem himself. He's unpredictable and 'doesn't play by the rules' ooooo fantastic, how relatable. Hard daddy figure colonel Pentecost who keeps a stern face and all his lower ranked children in check with a subtle badass streak. Indeed Idris Alba wins my vote for character of the film as Stacker Pentecost. Did you hear me? His bloody name is Stacker Pentecost! Ill remember that for my son.

Idris Alba: The only man who should be 

allowed to play every role in the world.

Even with the noticeable cliches and questionable storytelling among other distractions (Why don't you just use swords from the beginning of the fight, they obviously work better then fists!) the film has no trouble sucking you in to its apocalyptic atmosphere. I still found shivers running down my spine every time a giant mechanised fist flew into a Kaiju's face. Well worth seeing if your a fan of sci fi action however some may find themselves waiting for the next robot battle instead of clinging eagerly to the story. I know at one point I found I had had enough of the one trick characters and just wanted to see another robot battle. Boys In The Hood has better character development! It really depends on the mood your in and I really would have just been content watching two hours of metal bending visuals.
If there was anything I would have liked it would be more exposition on the history of these Jeagers, which is only lightly touched upon within the first few minutes. More robots with more nationalities should have been included. Why focus on just one cool robot when you could have a whole stable? I vote for a stereotypical British robot complete with mechanised handlebar moustache and don't you dare tell me that sounds ridiculous.

Oh Pacific Rim I really think you have potential, so why do I feel the need to throw my toys out of my crib? I wanted more out of it, yet I still got a decent film which I can't complain about too much. Go watch it with a few friends, you'll have fun but don't base your decision on the trailer. Speaking of which, wow wasn't that trailer awesome? If they don't make a game of this film by the end of the month then someone has seriously tripped up.

Rinko Kikuchi is very cute, and I totally 
grant her permission to date me.

VERDICT - If transformers had a baby with Cloverfield, and it actually turned out decent!        7.5/10

Chris Bridge

Feeling Self Aware: A lesson learned from a spider

I picked a spider out of my hair today. Flicked it away nonchalantly. I did it quickly and with a cool demeanour so that people on the bus wouldn’t think something was up. The moment would pass and no one would be all the wiser. My strategy was perfect.

Then I realised, anyone who was focused enough to pay attention would have seen me do this. Not only would they think I was a walking nest of spiderlings but they would also think that in my life it was common place. I would have seemed like a tramp to them, an unwashed urchin. Or maybe worse, I had openly chosen to be this walking being of insectoid shelter. Under my skin a network of spiders may exist. I am no human, merely a machine of synthetic fibres and silk spun by the insects, being controlled in the brain by their tarantula queen.

"Hes going to kill us all!" Some may have cried, in their head.

The thing is I should have been more concerned with myself rather then other peoples perceptions of me. That way I would have remembered to pick up my bus pass before running off.